fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
