I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
