Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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