Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Are we still banned from the library?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Come on in and take your pants off
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