It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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