and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
