I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize