I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
