he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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