Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
