I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
