somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize