its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
