wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the liver wants what the liver wants
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
