I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize