I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
