i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize