I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
