What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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