Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
