Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
