If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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