I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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