Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
