whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
