yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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