Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize