I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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