I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
