Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I need a beard to bite.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
