I smell stomach acid.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
