Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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