dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
