Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
