I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
