If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
