You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize