I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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