3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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