can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
