I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
All the doctor said was why
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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