K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
