yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
