Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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