Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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