Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
