My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
