Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
