My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
