You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
