How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
