I puked a lego.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
