i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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