Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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