hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
