The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Im part way to drunk.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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