You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
