some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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