Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
