My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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