So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize