I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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