Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
