moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
