He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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