I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Randomize
