The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
