You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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