Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
A+ Viking dick
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
