"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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