Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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