Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
