When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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