we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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