Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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