I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
