Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
