At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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