We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
