If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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