the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
