I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
