Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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