I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
