So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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