evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
