bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
