had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
