Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize