Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
