people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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