I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i drank out of a bidet.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
