I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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